Over the past year, God has brought me through a long journey full of anxiety, fears, challenges, hopes, inspirations, and strengthening. I'd like to share a few pages from my journal with you to give you a glimpse of how He's been speaking to my heart. I hope it blesses and encourages you.
JANUARY 31, 2010
Quotes from InTouch:
The only things that truly matter are the focus of your faith and the fact that He is at work in your life. God HAS NOT forgotten you. When we trust Him, He brings good out of every heartache, disappointment, and trial.
~Charles Stanley
Anything that breaks your world apart DEMANDS change.
~Erin Grieschen
At some point, all of us will face a giant difficulty. It's important to respond with unshakable faith that looks beyond what we can see to what God sees. When we disregard God, we forget the very source of all blessing. Instead, we live as if we are the origin of everything good in our life. ~Charles Stanley
APRIL 21, 2010
From InTouch:
We're imperfect, yet the Lord still uses us--not because we're good, but because He is. God can use anything and anyone--from food-carrying ravens to a talking donkey and an insecure beauty like Esther...the Lord can use anyone often choosing the most unlikely and imperfect people like you and me...no matter how deep our regrets are, we can still offer our past, present, and future choices--including our failures and weaknesses--and move forward in FAITH AND OBEDIENCE.
APRIL 28, 2010
Fear is such an evil thing. It paralyzes us and keeps us from doing what we need to do. It puts up a wall between us and God. We get afraid that what God put in our hearts is not true, and we start to think that we heard God wrong.
What God told us to do starts to look unreasonable. It challenges our rational way of thinking. It's hard and doesn't ensure comfort or the secure life of following common sense.
But I choose not to follow common sense. I choose to follow God-sense. I choose to follow Jesus Christ, the Almighty God, the Author of my life. I have decided to stop trying to be the author of my life, to stop trying to create my life. I will not try to take God's place. Ps. 139:13 says, "YOU formed me in my mother's womb...wonderful are YOUR works...YOU skillfully made me in the depths of the earth...YOU know and see my unformed substance; in YOUR book YOU have written ALL the days YOU made for me."
I have been trying to do my own thing because I was afraid. God told me over and over and confirmed in many ways that He wants me to go to Afirca. He started telling me and preparing me from the time I was a child. But I tucked away His calling as much as I could. I wanted to stay in Canada where it is safe and where I could settle and have a good job. I didn't want my parents to be sad, because I can't be there with them. I know how much they miss me when I'm far away. I didn't want them to be disappointed in me, because I choosing to go so far from home. It tears me up. I love them so much and will miss them. I hope they'll understand that and trust God to take care of me, and that they'll bless me as I go off to follow God's calling. I have to go, because each time I try to do my own thing, I feel like a knife is stuck in my heart, and my spirit is torn apart.
I can't go against God's way anymore--it's burning too strong in my heart. I need to go to Africa.
When I follow God, and say, "I will go," I feel so full of joy, and I feel God's presence all around me.
Finally I know I can and will follow God.
"On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul." Ps. 138:3
JULY 19, 2010
Knowlege is learned---
Wisdom is a gift FROM GOD.
JULY 20, 2010
"JESUS summoned His twelve disciple and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every kind of disease and every kind of sickness." ~Matt. 10:1
It's not through our own authority or ability that we do anything. We shouldn't ever think that we accomplish anything in our own power. We also should never believe the lie that God's call on our life can't be done, because even if we can't do it--GOD can.
"...do not worry about how or what you are to say; for it will be given you in that hour what you are to say. For it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you." ~Matt. 10:19-20
JULY 24, 2010
Beth Moore:
God is more interested in our CALLING than our COMFORT. When we live a life of comforts, we will live a life of relational disasters. If we're driven by fear of agony, we live a life of addiction to comfort. That's what happens when you're compelled by it. And when we don't find it in one place, we'll look and look and never be satisfied. We'll also never get anywhere.
We need to say, "I'm willing to go anywhere and leave all comforts behind, to a place where I am compelled by NOTHING but the LOVE OF CHRIST."
Your calling is fulfilled WAYYY outside your comfort!
Acts 17:26: Your life was set in a perfect generation, where exactly you should be, and your purpose served.
JULY 25, 2010
In the past few days, God has been guiding and directing me more, and making His plan for my life more clear. He is making it clear what He wants me to do when I go off on missions. It's so hard waiting for God to speak and reveal, and I so often try to jump ahead of God. I feel like an anxious child running ahead, and God as parent grabs my collar to hold me back! God is revealing His heart to me in His perfect timing, and teaching me to trust and have faith in Him to take care of what I do not yet know.
All this while, I think of my thoughts over my short life...of my past, and how I've perceived myself. I find that we are often over-critical of ourselves, and in over-judging ourselves, we begin to have insecurities and fears. We lose sight of who we really are, who God created us to be, in HIS image, and the unshakable plan He has for our lives.
I've always thought of myself as a timid, small, blend-in-the-background kind of person. I've often doubted myself and what I can do, and thought I would not have what it takes. Growing up, public speaking was never my gifting...it was often the last thing I'd ever want to do. I was the shy one. The one who just sat back and tried not to get noticed. I lacked confidence. It was such a huge stronghold in my life. But somewhere in there, GOD came along and pulled me out of myself. Not that any of those insecurities vanished. But God kept putting me in situations that required great courage...situations that were way beyond me. I would have said no, but God wanted these experiences in my life. I said yes, and God was my fortress through these experiences. Putting me in positions of leadership, of needing to be in front of people, and interact with so many different individuals. I remember being TERRIFIED many times, and thinking, "WHY are you making me do this God! Is this really necessary?!" I could have backed out of these experiences, but I didn't, and they solidified my faith and trust in God in a profound way. Each of these experiences were part of the bigger plan God had for my life, each one with an important, irreplaceable role.
When the opportunity to go do missions in Malawi came up, the description of what I'd be doing there scared me! I thought to myself, "I'm never going to do that! I can't do that!" And had all intentions of dismissing the opportunity. But God said, "This is the opportunity I want you to take."
Now I think God is a bit out of His mind, choosing me to do this! I feel like Gideon....the last-born, the lowest of all, clumsy, cowardly, hiding away...and God chose him to lead an army. It looked silly, but despite the incapability of man, the capibility and all-powerful God won the victory. I may feel I don't have what it takes...and maybe I don't. But God is the one Who does it all. He is the Center. He is the Source. And HE CAN.
